How to Talk to Your Parents About Long-Term Care
Start early, before a crisis, and lead with questions. Ask your parents where they’d like to live, who they’d want helping them, and how they’d want to pay for care, then listen. The first conversation is about understanding their wishes; decisions can come later.
Why is this conversation hard?
For many parents, it can feel like a conversation about losing independence. Framing it around their choices, and how to protect them, changes the tone.
When should you bring it up?
Pick a calm moment. A natural opening is your own planning: “I’m working on my own plan for getting older, and it made me wonder what you’d want.”
What should you ask?
Where would you want to live if you needed more help?
Who would you want helping you?
Have you thought about how you’d pay for care?
Who should make decisions if you couldn’t?
What worries you most about getting older?
What if they don’t want to talk?
Let it go for now and come back to it. Sometimes a trusted third party, like their doctor or financial advisor, can open the door more easily.
What should you cover over time?
Where they’ll live, who will help, how care will be paid for, and which documents are in place. See Does Medicare Cover Long-Term Care?. To find local services, the Eldercare Locator connects you with your parents’ Area Agency on Aging.
Then have the same conversation with your kids
The questions you’re asking your parents are ones your own family will eventually need answered about you. Staying Power’s “Talking With Your Family” guide can help, and so can knowing your own numbers. Get started to see what care costs and how to fund it.
Frequently asked questions
What if my parents haven’t planned for care?
You’re not alone, and it’s not too late to start. Understanding what care costs and what’s covered is a good first step.
Should all siblings be part of the conversation?
Ideally, yes, so everyone hears the same thing. See How to Divide Caregiving Between Siblings.
